


Supa Strikas Incorrect Quotes

by Emeralda136



Category: Supa Strikas (Cartoon)
Genre: First time writing here, Humor, Incorrect Quotes, Incorrect-quotes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 224
Words: 9,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeralda136/pseuds/Emeralda136
Summary: Literally what says on the title.Have fun😚Btw, I love feedback. Even if it's a single emoji send it. Gives me a reason to live.
Comments: 37
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Skarra: I'm a peaceful man.

Snake: Didn't you throw a chair at someone yesterday?

Skarra: That's pretty peaceful compared to the table I was planning to throw.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

Coach: Shakes do you know where El Matador is?

Shake's Brain: _Play dumb._

Shakes: Who's El Matador?

Shake's brain: _Not **that** dumb-_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Interviewer: And how would you describe yourself?

Don Aldo: Verbally. But I've also prepared an interpretative dance routine.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

*Liquido and Ja Nein sitting on a bench*

Meda: Why do you guys look so sad?

Liquido: Sit down with us so we can tell you.

Ja Nein, while Meda is sitting down: The bench is freshly painted.

Meda:


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Coach: What's in your shirt?

Klaus' shirt starts meowing:

Klaus, panicked: Drugs-


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Dancing Rasta : So we all know the plan?

Twisting Tiger : Yeah, keep Shakes out of the stadium for one day so we can prepare him a surprise party!

Dancing Rasta : And?

Cool Joe : Don't act suspicious.

North Shaw : Act normal.

Dancing Rasta : And?

Shakes : And make sure I don't realize what you're doing.

Klaus : And make sure Shakes doesn't realize -


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

Vince : Skarra. Can you tell us why you're so late to training today?

Skarra : Well, Dooma told me to go to hell.

Skarra : I couldn't find it at first but here I am.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

Riano : (Holds open the door for Shakes) After you, Shakes.

Shakes : No, after you.

Riano : I insist, after you.

Skarra : (Pushes past both of them) After me, bitches!


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

North Shaw : I'm not getting into anymore stupid debates with you.

Liquido : Water is not wet.

North Shaw : BITCH how the fuck is water not wet, it's water -


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

Ja Nein : Ouch!

Uber : What's wrong?

Ja Nein : I think I just pulled a muscle!

Uber : You can't pull what you don't have.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

* * *

Klaus : What if the person who names Walkie Talkies named everything?

Rasta : Like socks are Feetie Hearties.

Big Bo : Forks are Stabbie Grabbies.

North Shaw : Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Shakes : Nightmares are Dreamie Screamies.

El Matador : Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Coach, to a visiting team : Yes, these are my best players.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

Skarra : I have a plan.

Vince : We can't kill, torture or hurt anyone.

Skarra : I do not have a plan.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

* * *

Chuck Chipperson (Enters the cafe with John J Junior and Benedict) : Can you guys get a table?

John : Okay.

John and Benedict, three minutes later, carrying a table and sprinting at Chuck : GO GO GO GO


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

Ninja, addressing the Super League players : Fives? A ten is speaking.

El Matador, putting his feet up on the table : And an eleven is ignoring you.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

Skarra : Alright can we just address the elephant in the room here?

Skarra : I know this is weird.

Skarra : Mistakes were made.

Shakes : By you.

Skarra : And people got hurt.

Shakes : By you.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

* * *

Shakes : How much do you love me?

Skarra : Look up and count the stars. That's how much I love you.

Shakes : But it's the middle of the day.

Skarra : Exactly.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

* * *

Lena : Shakes, what motivates you?

Shakes : My ambition and desire to push my team forward!

Lena : Skarra, what about you?

Skarra : An unhealthy mix of spite, pettiness, the thirst for vengeance, and pure, relentless rage.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

* * *

Skarra : My power have doubled since the last time we met, Shakes.

Shakes : Two times zero is still zero.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

* * *

Liquido : Yesterday I accidentally kicked the ball to Skipper's face and I couldn't decide on saying "I'm so fucking sorry" or "Are you fucking okay?"

Liquido : So I panicked and yelled "ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?"

Liquido : He is still crying in the bathroom.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

* * *

Skarra :Dooma put salt in my tea because I annoyed him but I'm going to drink it because I'm petty and I won't let him win.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

* * *

Dooma : Here is a fun Christmas idea. We'll hang a mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to fight whoever else is under there.

Vince : We are not doing that.

Dooma : Mistlefoe.

Vince : Dooma, no.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

* * *

Shakes : (sleepily) What are you doing?

Skarra : I'm - um - not doing anything.

Skarra : This is just a dream that you're having.

Shakes : Why are you going through my stuff? How did you even get in to my house?

Skarra : Right but only in a dream. Remember, dream. Dreaming.

Shakes : Why would I dream about you going through my stuff?

Skarra : I don't know that, Shakes, okay? It's your dream! Take responsibility for it!


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

* * *

Dingaan : (Bursts into the Vince's office) Vince? We need your help! We-

Vince : Did the others got arrested again?

Dingaan : .... no?

Vince : Then it's not an emergency. Get out.

(Dingaan runs into locker room a few moments later)

Dooma : Well? What did he say? What do we do about the portal to hell in the locker room?

Dingaan : Apparently it's not an emergency.

Skarra : (Being strangled by a demon) HOW THE FUCK IS THIS NOT AN EMERGENCY????


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

* * *

Skarra : I’m sorry, but this time I can’t do as you say.

Vince : What do you mean “this time?” You’ve never done what I’ve said once since you've joined the team.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

* * *

Lena : What do you call murder, vandalism and sabotage ?

Skarra : Hobbies.

Lena : .......

Skarra : ....... That I do not engage in.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

* * *

Klaus : I have a plan.

Shakes : Is it a good one ?

Klaus : ...

Klaus: I have a plan.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

* * *

Shakes : Am I in trouble ?

Coach : Have a guess.

Shakes : No ?

Coach : Have another guess


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

* * *

Vince : What happened ?

Dooma : All I heard was, 'I swear it'll be funny' and then we were in jail.

Skarra : ( Laughing in the background )


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

* * *

( Something blows up )

Vince : Skarra what did you do ?

Skarra : My best.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

* * *

Shakes : Hey guys - why are you standing on chairs? Are you playing a game?

Cool Joe : Yeah, we're playing the game ' We saw a big spider and don't know where it went '

Shakes : ( scrambles onto a chair )


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

* * *

Uber : You think you're smarter than everyone else.

Ja Nein : I don't think I'm smarter than everyone else. I know I am.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

* * *

Rasta : I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Tiger : All I drank was Redbull!

Rasta : How many?

Tiger : Eighteen.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

* * *

Klaus: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

* * *

Vince : Is anyone going to tell me what's going on in here?!

Automatic: It's kind of complicated, but Skarra and Dooma-

Vince : Got it. Forget I asked.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

* * *

Rasta : We're lost.

North Shaw : Lost? As in "where the hell are we?"

Coach : We're not totally lost. We're still in [general place].

Rasta : You said this was a shortcut.

Coach : It is a shortcut! Look how fast we got lost!


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

* * *

Skarra : In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

Vince : Wasn’t Dooma with you?

Dooma : In my defense, I was left unsupervised too.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

* * *

Dingaan : Nobody can say the word “bubbles” and make it sound threatening.

Skarra : ...excuse me for a moment. *leaves the room*

_Twenty minutes later..._

Dooma : *enters the room, visibly confused and annoyed* Can somebody please explain to me why Skarra has been constantly growling “bubbles” to himself for the past twenty goddamn minutes?


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

* * *

Vladimir : *cracks knuckles*

Shakes : Is that supposed to intimidate me?

Vladimir : *fingers light up like glow sticks*

Shakes : 'Kay I'm scared but that’s rad.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

* * *

Coach : I have the sharpest memory! Name one time I forgot something.

El Matador : You left me in a Walmart parking lot like, three weeks ago.

Coach : I did that on purpose, try again.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

* * *

Twisting Tiger : Can you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Cool Joe and Rasta : *squat down*

Tiger : I hate both of you.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

* * *

-On Disney's Teacup Ride-

  
Rasta, Tiger & Cool Joe : *spinning slowly, enjoying the ride*

Shakes, Klaus & El Matador : *flying past them, spinning as fast as they can, screaming* 


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

* * *

Skarra, in the middle of the night : Why are you calling me this late?

Shakes : *nervously glances at the burning kitchen* um... I need your help, I’ve done something..... _bad_.

Skarra : Ugh-

Skarra : Okay, put the corpse on ice, I’m on my way.

Shakes : What-?! No!

Shakes : Okay! Why would I-?!


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

* * *

Vince : What were you arrested for this time?

Skarra : I was arrested for being too cool.

Dooma : Charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

* * *

Vince : Okay, I'm gonna need you to swear-

Skarra : Fuck.

Vince : ....

Vince : I'm gonna need you to _promise-_


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

* * *

Shakes, T-posing in the door way : Good morning, father figure.

Rasta, visibly unfazed: Good morning, problem child.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

* * *

Skarra : People tell me I have a unique way of lighting up the room.

Vince : It’s called arson and those people are called witnesses.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

* * *

Vince : Part of me wants to ask, the other part says knowing will be more disturbing than anything I could ever imagine.

Vince : So - Uuh - I'm going to walk away.

Skarra : That's good. That's a wise choice, Vince.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

* * *

Rasta : That sounds like a terrible plan.

Shakes, Klaus and El Matador : Oh, we've had worse.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

* * *

Shakes: I fucked up.

Klaus : On a scale of, The Strudel Incident, and, That Time We Never Speak Of, how _badly_ did you fuck up?

Shakes : Roughly the same level as, The Dentist Disaster.

El Matador : .....Oh _shit_.

Shakes : _Yeah_.


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

* * *

Vince : Why do I get the feeling that you’re about to tell me something I _really_ don’t want to hear?

Skarra : ....Experience?


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

* * *

Vince : _DID_ YOU _HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!?_

Skarra : Surprisingly, no. But _god_ I wish I did.


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

* * *

Skarra : Fuck, how drunk was I last night? I just woke up in my bathtub, stuffed to the brim with pillows and hugging a tree branch... I don’t even own _half_ that many pillows.

Automatic : Well, you tried to make out with a tree, spent twenty minutes crying when one of it’s branches fell off, then picked a fight with a garden gnome to ‘Avenge them’.

Skarra : .......

Automatic : .......

Skarra : ...Who won?

Automatic : A traffic cone that Dingaan yeeted at you in his excitement, it knocked you out for a solid half hour. The gnome was exiled for its crimes.


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

* * *

Miko Chen : I am death! I am destruction! Fear me!

Uber : You are literally the youngest in your team. You can't even reach the middle shelf.

Miko Chen : Fear me, fool!

Riano : You should listen to him. I know for a fact that this one can bite off a mans hand with no hesitation. I've seen it happen, and let me tell you. It's terrifying knowing that this tiny raisin can easily kill a man.


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

* * *

Skarra, to his niece : Today I'm going to take you to a place I spent most of my time throughout my childhood.

Dingaan : Why are you taking her to the closet ?


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

* * *

Skarra : ....What the fuck are you doing?

Shakes : I’m building a pillow fort.

Skarra : Isn’t that a little childish?

Shakes : Does that mean you _don’t_ want to join me?

Skarra : .....

Shakes : .....

Skarra : .....Move over.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

* * *

Skarra : Vince, I have good news and bad news.

Vince : Good news first.

Skarra : It is very unlikely I will ever do it again.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

* * *

John J. Johnson : I'm friendly, I'm loyal, I'm energetic...

John J. Johnson : ..... I just described a dog, didn't I?

Chuck Chipperson : Well, yeah, but people love dogs.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

* * *

Skarra : Oh fiddle sticks! Oh diddly gee golly gosh goldarnit! That really ruffles my feathers! Really dills my pickle!

Whole IU team crying in a corner : Please just say F U C K.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

* * *

Vince : Why are there little hand prints on the wall?

Skarra, whispering to his niece : Why are there little hand prints on the wall?

The niece : Because I have little hands!

Skarra, tired uncle TM: Because she has little hands.


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

* * *

Shakes, phoning Klaus : Dude, I miss you.

Klaus : Aww, I miss you too, but this is very important to me.

Shakes : But it's been three days...

Klaus, from under a bed : Bro, this is hide-and-seek, I hide and you find me .

Klaus : *hangs up, laughing*


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

* * *

Young Shakes, praying : I need someone to be my friend. 

Young Shakes : Maybe send me an angel! The nicest angel you have. 

Young Skarra : *Rises from the deepest pits of hell, cackling like a maniac*


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

* * *

Skarra, mockingly : Aren't you sugar and spice and everything nice?

Shakes, angry : Well arent you rudeness and sarcasm and everything...oh...

Skarra : No, go on. You find something that rhymes with sarcasm _and_ makes sense and I will stop acting like an asshole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw guys, you might want to check Incorrect Super League by @sipsmilk at Wattpad. 💛 You are doing marvelous, honey.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

* * *

Uber : Okay, if the guy asks who we are: I’m the leader, Von Eye’s my number two, Mangler’s our combat strength, Thor’s our intelligence and Ja Nein is the canary.

Ja Nein : “Canary”?

Uber : We send you in first, and if you die we know the room is dangerous.

Ja Nein : Gee, thanks.


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64**

* * *

Miko Chen : When i was small-  
Kendo : *laughs*  
Kendo : _was?_


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65**

* * *

Cool Joe : Appreciate the little things. **  
**Rasta : *Hugs Tiger* ****  
Tiger : Seriously!? I'm not that short!


	66. Chapter 66

**Chapter 66**

* * *

John J Junior : Taco cat backwards is still taco cat.

Chuck Chipperson : I dont know what to do with this information.

Benedict : Dog food lid backwards is dildo of god.

Chuck : .....

Chuck : I dont know what to do with this information either.


	67. Chapter 67

**Chapter 67**

* * *

Dooma : So, you are telling me when you think of Shakes, your chest gets tight and your face gets hot and you think that means you are angry?  
Skarra : Yes.  
Dooma: Do you feel like that when you are mad at me?  
Skarra : No.  
Dooma : Do you feel that way when you are mad at literally anyone else?  
Skarra : No.  
Dooma : So, what you are feeling about Shakes isn't anger. It's most likely...  
Skarra : *light bulb goes off* SUPER ANGER!  
Dooma: .....  
Dooma : *walks away*


	68. Chapter 68

**Chapter 68**

* * *

El Matador : You know I'm jealous of you.

Shakes : Huh? Why?

El Matador : Your partner is hotter than mine.*walks away*

Shakes : Wait, but.

Shakes : But wE ARE DATIN-

Shakes : COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!


	69. Chapter 69

**Chapter 69**

* * *

Skarra : Am I going too far?

Vince : No no, no. You went too far _7_ hours ago. Now, you are going to prison.


	70. Chapter 70

**Chapter 70**

* * *

Shakes : I've been through hell.

Skarra : Big deal.

Skarra : I've worked as Invincible United's team captain for Vince for two years.

Skarra : So not only have I been through hell, I was assistant manager there.


	71. Chapter 71

**Chapter 71**

* * *

Chuck Chipperson : You never do anything by halves, do you?

John J. Junior : Nope! We’re three halves of a whole idiot!

Benedict : No wait we’d have to be six halves because there’s three of us.

Thaddeus : We’re one and a half idiots each?

Chuck : *facepalms*


	72. Chapter 72

**Chapter 72**

* * *

Skarra : My 10 years old niece just said "I have an appetite for destruction." and then she reached down and untied my shoe.


	73. Chapter 73

**Chapter 73**

* * *

Skarra : No, it would be against my moral compass.

Vince : Your moral compass is a fucking roulette wheel!


	74. Chapter 74

**Chapter 74**

* * *

Rasta : You lied?

Shakes : We may have.

Rasta : You may have or you did?

Shakes :

Klaus :

El Matador :

Klaus : We may have did.


	75. Chapter 75

**Chapter 75**

* * *

Shakes : Sometimes I feel a little lonely-

Klaus , dragging eight blankets, a giant box of snacks, and El Matador : NOT ON MY WATCH!


	76. Chapter 76

**Chapter 76**

* * *

John J Johnson : *signs a legal document with a glitter gel pen*


	77. Chapter 77

**Chapter 77**

* * *

Vladimir : You read my diary?!  
Bones : At first, I didn’t know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.


	78. Chapter 78

**Chapter 78**

* * *

Shakes : You’re a lying, cheating, piece of shit! You’re not the person I married!

  
Skarra : Fine then! We’re getting a divorce! And i’m taking the kids!

  
Spenza, pushing the monopoly board away from them: …maybe we should stop playing.


	79. Chapter 79

**Chapter 78**

* * *

Klaus : I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!

  
El Matador : I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.


	80. Chapter 80

**Chapter 80**

* * *

Skarra : I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck


	81. Chapter 81

**Chapter 81**

* * *

Vince : I think we're missing something. **  
**Dooma : Teamwork? ****  
Dingaan : Cohesion?  
Skarra : A general sense of what we’re doing?


	82. Chapter 82

**Chapter 82**

* * *

Coach , walking into his house : Hello, people who do not live here.  
Shakes : Hey.  
El Matador : Hi.  
Rasta : Hello.  
Tiger : Hey!  
Coach : I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!  
North : We were out of Doritos.


	83. Chapter 83

**Chapter 83**

* * *

Dooma : Have you seen a person named 'Skarra' around here?  
Vladimir : Ugh, yes. They made a horrible mess of the blood fountain.  
Dooma : It looks fine to me?  
Vladimir : IT USED TO BE WATER!!!


	84. Chapter 84

**Chapter 84**

* * *

Meda : Truth or dare?  
Skarra : Dare.  
Meda : I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.  
Skarra : Hey, Miko.  
Miko, blushing : Yeah?  
Skarra : Move. I’m trying to get to Shakes.


	85. Chapter 85

**Chapter 85**

* * *

Dooma : You know those things will kill you, right?  
Skarra, pouring another glass of whiskey : That’s the point.  
Auotomatic, smoking a cigarette : We’re trying to speed up the process.  
Dingaan : *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*


	86. Chapter 86

**Chapter 86**

* * *

Chuck : Let me show you a picture from last night that really upset me.  
John J.J. : Okay, but in my defense, Thaddeus bet me 50 cents I couldn’t drink all that shampoo.  
Chuck : That’s not what I wanted to- you drank SHAMPOO?!


	87. Chapter 87

**Chapter 87**

* * *

Coach von Pushup : Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.


	88. Chapter 88

**Chapter 88**

* * *

Skarra : Rules are made to be broken.  
Miko Chen : They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.  
Shakes : Uh, piñatas.  
Liquido : Glow sticks.  
Riano : Karate boards.  
Meda : Spaghetti when you have a small pot.  
Skarra : Rules.  
Miko Chen :


	89. Chapter 89

**Chapter 89**

* * *

Vince : You're a loose cannon, Skarra.  
Skarra : No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?  
Dingaan : I think you play by your own rules.  
Automatic : No way, he thinks rules were made to be broken.  
Vince : Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.  
Skarra : No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Dooma is a loose cannon.  
Dooma : *smashes a chair*


	90. Chapter 90

**Chapter 90**

* * *

Chuck : Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life.

Riano : Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years!  
  
Liquido : I knew I lost that potential somewhere.

Shakes : Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this!!

Skarra : My moral code, is that you?

Chuck :  
Chuck : I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?


	91. Chapter 91

**Chapter 91**

* * *

Skarra's niece : *Screams*  
Skarra : *Screams louder to assert dominance*  
Dingaan : Should we do something?  
Dooma, observing : No, I want to see who wins this.


	92. Chapter 92

**Chapter 92**

* * *

Shakes : If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Chuck : What if it bites me and it dies?

Uber : Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Chuck, learn to listen.

Riano : What if it bites itself and I die?

Miko : That’s voodoo.

Meda : What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Chuck : That’s correlation, not causation.

Riano : What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Skarra : That’s kinky.

Shakes : Oh my God.


	93. Chapter 93

**Chapter 93**

* * *

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*  
Skarra : So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Shakes : ...I did. I broke it.

Skarra : No. No you didn't. Uber?

Uber : Don't look at me. Look at Meda.

Meda : What?! I didn't break it.

Uber : Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Meda : Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Uber : Suspicious.

Meda : No, it's not!

Liquido : If it matters, probably not, but Riano was the last one to use it.

Riano : Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Liquido : Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Riano : I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Liquido!

Shakes : Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Skarra.

Skarra : No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Liquido : Skarra... Uber's been awfully quiet.

Uber : rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*  
Skarra, being interviewed : I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Skarra : I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Skarra :  
Skarra : Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.


	94. Chapter 94

**Chapter 94**

* * *

Chuck : Hello.

John J Johnson : Hihiiiiii!

Vladimir : Greetings, Humans.

Shakes : Three kinds of people.

Klaus : I want pudding.

Chuck : Four kinds of people.

Skarra : WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?

Shakes : Five kinds of people.


	95. Chapter 95

**Chapter 95**

* * *

Skarra : Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Miko : >:O language

Chuck : Yeah watch your fucking language.

Liquido : OKAY WHO TAUGHT CHUCK THE FUCK WORD?

Meda : 'The fuck word'.

Shakes : Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time.

Chuck : Oh my god he censored it.

Meda : Say fuck, Shakes.

Skarra : Do it, Shakes. I know you want to. Say fuck.


	96. Chapter 96

**Chapter 96**

* * *

Skarra : *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Shakes : If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Skarra : If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Miko : Actually I did the math, Shakes would have $225, not $0.15.

Shakes : Fam I’m right here....

Riano : If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Skarra : While you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Riano : Sorry I only have a dollar

Skarra : :(

Miko : Hey I just realized my friend is right, Shakes would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Riano : If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Miko : You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Liquido : Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Miko : Apply juice to what

Uber : Directly to the forehead

Shakes : Great chat everyone


	97. Chapter 97

**Chapter 97**

* * *

Shakes : You will machete through this!  
Shakes : *make it  
Shakes : do not machete your way through this  
Skarra : too late


	98. Chapter 98

**Chapter 98**

* * *

Shakes : You know what? Underneath it all, you’re actually quite nice.

Skarra : Repeat that disgusting slander again, and you’ll be hearing from my lawyers.


	99. Chapter 99

**Chapter 99**

* * *

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Shakes : Thanks fam!

Uber : oh no

Chuck : *cries* I love you too

Liquido : Sounds fake but okay

Miko : *A flustered mess*

Skarra : can i get a refund


	100. Chapter 100

**Chapter _100_**

* * *

Shakes : Do you like my outfit?

Skarra : Not as much as I like what's underneath it.

Shakes, blushing : S-Skarra-

Skarra : I need your chair. Get up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fucking shit. I have made it to the 100. chapter ಥ⌣ಥ Omg thank you all for reading this fic. 💛💛💛💛💛  
> (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤


	101. Chapter 101

**Chapter 101**

* * *

Dingaan : What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Skarra : The car takes a screenshot.

Vince : For the last time, get the fuck out.


	102. Chapter 102

**Chapter 102**

* * *

Klaus, holding a python: Guys, I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?

Rasta : You did WHAT–

Shakes : William Snakepeare


	103. Chapter 103

**Chapter 103**

* * *

Dingaan : I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place.

Skarra : You people already know too much about me.

Dooma : I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.


	104. Chapter 104

**Chapter 104**

* * *

Skarra : We need to get through this locked door. Vince, give me your credit card.

Vince : Here.

Skarra, pocketing it: Thanks. Dooma, kick down the door.


	105. Chapter 105

**Chapter 105**

* * *

Chuck : The power went out.

John : Oh wait, I got it *starts jumping like crazy*

Chuck : What are you doing?

John : I swallowed a glowstick

Chuck, on the verge of a heart attack : WHY WOULD YOU-


	106. Chapter 106

**Chapter 106**

* * *

Ja Nein : *journaling* it’s day 183 of being stuck in the upside down. I’ve seen numerous different species, many of which I have never heard of before. Afters months of careful observation, I’ve finally decided that—

Uber : *to the tune of final countdown* ITS A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

Thor : *off key kazoo*

Ja Nein :

Ja Nein : —there is no intelligent life here.


	107. Chapter 107

**Chapter 107**

* * *

Skarra : Okay guys, how do I ask Shakes out?

Automatic : Roses are red, violets are blue. Guess what, my bed has room for two.

Skarra : Oh my _God_ , no!

Dooma: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in my car.

Dingaan : Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream.

Skarra : Fuck you all, I'm leaving.


	108. Chapter 108

**Chapter 108**

* * *

Shakes : I've never been in a snowball fight before.

Klaus : Wait, really?

Shakes : I don't even know the rules. Is there like a points system or is it to the death?


	109. Chapter 109

**Chapter 109**

* * *

Skarra, mumbling : I really want to kiss you.

Shakes : What?

Skarra : I said, if you die I won't miss you.


	110. Chapter 110

**Chapter 110**

* * *

Chuck : Knowledge is knowing that tomato is a fruit.

Miko : Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

Shakes : Philosophy is wondering whether that makes ketchup a smoothie.

Liquido : Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a fucking smoothie.


	111. Chapter 111

**Chapter 111**

* * *

Shakes, Klaus, El Matador : (Bursts into the room and slams door clearly panicked)

Coach : Oh God boys, what did you do?

Klaus : Nobody died !

Coach : WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT!?


	112. Chapter 112

**Chapter 112**

* * *

Shakes : Punch me in the face!

Skarra : Punch you ?

Shakes : Yes, punch me. In the face. Didn't you hear me?

Skarra : I always hear "PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!" when you're speaking but it's usually subtext.


	113. Chapter 113

**Chapter 113**

* * *

( Covers Shakes' eyes)

El Matador : Guess who? He's gorgeous and adorable.

El Matador : And he's gonna get really mad if you get it wrong.


	114. Chapter 114

**Chapter 114**

* * *

Shakes : You look good today.

Skarra : I look good everyday.

Shakes : .....

Shakes : You make flirting very hard, you know?

Skarra : You make me very hard.

Skarra : (Winks at Shakes who is blushing)

Skarra : That's how you flirt.


	115. Chapter 115

**Chapter 115**

* * *

Skarra : Admit it Shakes. You've fallen for me.

Shakes : I didn't fall for you Skarra. You fucking _tripped_ me.


	116. Chapter 116

**Chapter 116**

* * *

Skarra : Hey Shakes, nice fingers.

Shakes : Um, thanks ?

Skarra : You know, they'd look even better wrapped around my -

Klaus and El Matador : THEY'D ALSO LOOK BETTER WRAPPED AROUND THE BOOK OF THE LORD, AMEN!!!


	117. Chapter 117

**Chapter 117**

* * *

All : Last Friday Night

Miko : Yeah we jumped on table tops

Skarra : And we drank too much of wine

Shakes : Think we kissed but I forgot

All: Last Friday Night

Liquido : Yeah Meda kissed a rock

Riano : And we got kicked out of the bar

Shakes : So we hit the locker room

All: Last Friday Night

Meda : Yeah Uber got dressed up like a lady

Liquido : Then we went swimming in the lake

Uber : And we got in a street fight

All : Last Friday Night

Chuck : Yeah I think someone died

Skarra : Always say we're going to stop

All : This Friday Night

All the coaches : YOU'RE NOT DOING IT AGAIN !!!


	118. Chapter 118

**Chapter 118**

* * *

Vince : Who's turn is it to give the pep talk ?

Dooma : ( Sighs ) Skarra's

Skarra : Fuck shit up out there and don't die.

Dingaan : (Stands up and starts clapping )

Automatic : ( Wipes away a tear ) Beautiful.


	119. Chapter 119

**Chapter 119**

* * *

( Skarra and Shakes in a fight )

Shakes : GO FUCK YOURSELF !!!

Skarra : I'D RATHER FUCK YOU PLEASE !!!

Shakes : ( Confused ) Wh - what ?

Dooma : ( From the other end of the table, sipping tea ) HE SAID HE'D RATHER FUCK YOU.

Dingaan : ( From the other side of the room ) AND HE SAID PLEASE TOO.


	120. Chapter 120

**Chapter 120**

* * *

Klaus : Okay, I know this tone. Here comes petty Shakes.

Shakes : Nah bitch, I'm not being petty.

El Matador : You just said 'Nah bitch' !


	121. Chapter 121

**Chapter 121**

* * *

Shakes : Why are people always fighting over top or bottom?

Shakes : I would be lucky just to have a bunk bed.

Riano : ................

Uber : ...............

Chuck : .................

Liquido : .......................

Skarra : ...I'm going to tell him.

Miko : DON'T YOU DARE !!!!


	122. Chapter 122

**Chapter 122**

* * *

Riano : Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cozy but if I invite you into my cabin in the woods, you're going to die.

Liquido : My favorite is booty call.

Miko : That's called a connotation.

Shakes : ....You know, it's the same thing between "Forgive me father, I have sinned" 

Skarra : And " Sorry daddy, I've been naughty."

Miko : (Choking) Great news! Language is cancelled !!!


	123. Chapter 123

**Chapter 123**

* * *

Skarra : Dooma, promise me you won't swear in front of my niece.

Dooma : Yeah, don't worry.

(Dooma hanging out with Skarra's niece)

Dooma : Fuck, I dropped my keys.

Dooma : Oh shit, I swore in front of the child.

Dooma : Fuck I did it again.

Dooma : Shit just stop it.

Dooma : Fuck fuck

Dooma : .............

Niece : ............

Dooma : ..............

Niece : ..........

Dooma : You are never talking about this with your uncle.


	124. Chapter 124

**Chapter 124**

* * *

Vince : What. Did. You. Do ?

Skarra : Alright, but you can't get mad at me.

Vince : What. Did. You. Do ?

Skarra : Okay, first of all, I was minding my own business -

Vince : ( Slams hand on the table ) BULLSHIT !!!

Skarra : I WAS !!!


	125. Chapter 125

**Chapter 125**

* * *

Skarra : You know, I used to be normal before.

Dingaan : ( Consolingly ) I know, Skarra, I know.

Dingaan : Now go distract Vince and Dooma while Auto and I paint their rooms in pink.


	126. Chapter 126

**Chapter 126**

* * *

The whole hotel hears Vince roaring Skarra's name in the early hours of the morning )

Dingaan : ( Grinning ) Getting into trouble a little early today, aren't we, Skarra ?

Skarra : ( Smiling cheekily ) Trouble ? No way. You're only in trouble if you get caught.

Vince : ( Slams the door open ) YOU LITTLE SHIT!

Skarra : I'm in trouble.


	127. Chapter 127

**Chapter 127**

* * *

Vince : Dooma, why are you still here ? I dismissed the meeting ten minutes ago.

Dooma : Vince, I'm contemplating what life really means, you know. I'm wondering whether we really have a purpose.

Vince : ..............

Dooma : ..............

Dooma : Plus, Skarra glued my ass to the chair.


	128. Chapter 128

**Chapter 128**

* * *

Klaus : Don't go to the locker room !

Rasta : Why not?

Klaus : I saw a spider in there.

Cool Joe : Why didn't you kill it?

Klaus : It has eight arms and I have two ! How is that fair?


	129. Chapter 129

**Chapter 129**

* * *

John J Johnson, dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table : Tonight, we feast.


	130. Chapter 130

**Chapter 130**

* * *

Bones, playing the barrista : Hey Vlad, how would you like your coffee?

Vladimir : As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Bones : ...One glass of milk coming right up!


	131. Chapter 131

**Chapter 131**

* * *

(Klaus, Shakes and El Matador caught sneaking around by Coach)

Coach : What do you have to say for yourselves?

Shakes : .............

Shakes : Coach, what do you think you are doing out this late?

Coach : ( speechless )

El Matador : We were worried sick! You could have been dying!

Coach : The secret training compound is the safest place in the world.

Klaus : That's what they said about Pompeii. You know what happened?

All : BOOM!!!


	132. Chapter 132

**Chapter 132**

* * *

Skarra : Hey Miko, want to hear a joke ?

Miko : Alright, sure.

Skarra : Okay, so what do you call a deer with no eyes ?

Miko : Skarra, I'm not -

Skarra : COME ONNNN!!

Miko : ( Sighs ) What do you call a deer with no eyes ?

Skarra : NO IDEAR

Miko : ...........

Chuck : Can you two keep it down - wait MIKO DON'T BEAT SKARRA WITH THAT BROOMSTICK !!!


	133. Chapter 133

**Chapter 133**

* * *

Shakes : What do you think of me?

Skarra : Somewhere between 'fuck you' and 'I'd fuck you'.


	134. Chapter 134

**Chapter 134**

* * *

Dooma : *Pulls curtains back while Skarra is still in the shower*

Dooma : Are we -stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of coffee?


	135. Chapter 135

**Chapter 135**

* * *

Shakes : Come on, guys. No one thinks that Skarra is my boyfriend.

Klaus and El Matador, turning to the rest of the league players : Put your hand up if you think that Skarra is Shakes' boyfriend.

Everyone : (Raises their hands)

Shakes : ...................

Shakes : PUT YOUR HAND DOWN, SKARRA!!


	136. Chapter 136

**Chapter 136**

* * *

Dingaan, alone in the locker room : *sneezes*

Skarra, hiding from Dooma in the vents : Bless you.

Dingaan : ....God?


	137. Chapter 137

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So people I have just learned something that changed my entire mindset...
> 
> The shortest player in the league is SKARRA !
> 
> All this time I thought it was Miko but no. According to the screenshot at @sips_milk 's instagram story, Skarra is shorter than him. 
> 
> ....The bad boy of the Super League is fucking twink.

**Chapter 137**

* * *

Snake : I mean, small animals are way more vicious. It's because their anger has less space to be bottled up in.

Vince : That's ridiculous. Give me one example of this.

Dooma : Wasps.

Dingaan : Spiders.

Auto : Chihuahuas.

All : Skarra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol someone called him a 'gremlin'.


	138. Chapter 138

**Chapter 138**

* * *

Rasta : I can't believe Skarra and Shakes broke their bed!

Dooma : Must have been a rough night.

(Last night)

Shakes : Hey Skarra, I bet you can't touch the ceiling.

Skarra : Just watch me, bitch.


	139. Chapter 139

**Chapter 139**

* * *

Dingaan : Skarra, let's play kiss, marry, kill.

Dingaan : The options are Riano, Shakes and Uber.

Skarra : Kiss Shakes, marry Shakes, kill Shakes.

Auto : That's getting unhealthy.


	140. Chapter 140

**Chapter 140**

* * *

Type 1 Friendship

Shakes : El Matador, you're my best friend. I love you so much.

El Matador : Aww, Shakes. I love you too.

Type 2 Friendship

Skarra : Dingaan, if you ever kill someone, I'll hide the body for you.

Dingaan : Aww Skarra, me too.


	141. Chapter 141

**Chapter 141**

* * *

Shakes : Skarra, do you really always have to attack me with words?

Skarra : Would you like me to use a brick instead?


	142. Chapter 142

**Chapter 142**

* * *

  


Meda : If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Liquido : Strong!

Uber : Weak!

Skarra : A coward. Use a knife.

  



	143. Chapter 143

**Chapter 143**

* * *

Skarra : Why would I fuck a demon? Simple. The status.

Skarra : Imagine rolling up into Hell already having your back blown out by one of their own. Imagine you and a gang of other losers standing at the gates of Hell, they're all crying, scared to death about having a pitchfork up their ass for eternity and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon.

Liquido : (Taking notes) Wow.

Uber : Legendary.

Shakes : Skarra, please it's four a.m, just go to sleep.

Riano : No, wait. He has a point. Please continue.


	144. Chapter 144

**Chapter 144**

* * *

Skarra : You guys dare me to kiss Shakes?

Dingaan : What the fuck?

Dingaan : Where did that come from?

Skarra : Wow, I can't believe you guys are making me do this. You guys are the worst friends.

Automatic : Literally no one is making you do it. Um just to check, what drugs are you on?

Skarra : Well, here I go.

Dooma : No one asked or cares, Skarra. Just confess your undying love for Shakes already and spare us!


	145. Chapter 145

**Chapter 150**

* * *

El Matador : (Kicks open the door) Shakes!

Shakes, startled : JESUS!

El Matador : Nah, just me. Can you explain this meme?


	146. Chapter 146

Hey guys. As you can see this is not a chapter. My exams are starting soon so I have to study hard. There _probably_ won't be any new chapters until December. So this is kinda a heads up. Stay safe!😙💛


	147. Chapter 147

**Chapter 147**

* * *

Shakes giving El Matador a quiz from a magazine he _borrowed_ from Klaus)

Shakes : Your best friend borrows your lip gloss... (dramatic gasp) without asking!

El Matador : (Dramatic gasp)

Shakes : What do you do? A. Find a new best friend, B. Talk about it, or C.....

El Matador : D. Push her down the stairs.

Shakes : What?! It doesn't say that!

El Matador : Well yeah, but I think it should definitely be an option!

El Matador : Down the stairs she goes!


	148. Chapter 148

**Chapter 148**

* * *

John Johnson : Toni just threatened to put me in one of his weird inventions if I don’t stop talking.

Chuck : Why don’t you be quite then?

John : No, the real question is, what does he define as _talking_?

John : *unintelligible whale noises.*


	149. Chapter 149

**Chapter 149**

* * *

Coach Belmont : Legend says the sacred scrolls will be written in blood!

Vladimir : Hm. Tell me, have you ever written in blood?

Coach Belmont : No.

Vladimir : Well it’s absolutely ghastly to write with! It coagulates inside the pen, it oxidises on the paper, and it clots before you can even get a drop on the paper!

Vladimir : These are all reasons why that analogy should be expunged from the scrolls, dreadfully impractical.


	150. Chapter 150

**Chapter 150**

* * *

North : (Runs over to the table where Shakes, Klaus and El Matador are sitting)

North : In every group of friends, there's the dumb one.

Shakes, Klaus and El Matador : (Simultaneously points towards each other)

North : Really?


	151. Chapter 151

**Chapter 151**

* * *

North, from the hospital bed : You know, when I said to bring me back something from the beach, I expected something simple, like a seashell.

Liquido: (Struggling to hold a seagull) Well, you didn’t mention _that._


	152. Chapter 152

**Chapter 152**

* * *

Rasta : (Walking with Coach and the others in the woods using a narrator voice) And it was at that moment, they realized that they were horribly lost in the dark, unforgiving woods.

North : (Looking at Coach) Are we lost, Coach?

Coach : No.

Rasta : (Still in his narrator voice) HE LIED.

Coach : Stop it!


	153. Chapter 153

**Chapter 153**

* * *

Uber : I'm good at Math. Try me.

Ja Nein : Okay. What's 2799 books + 3897 books?

Uber : ...A library.


	154. Chapter 154

**Chapter 154**

* * *

Vince, suspicious : You actually make a good argument.

Skarra : Thank you. I do some of my best work when I bullshit.


	155. Chapter 155

**Chapter 155**

* * *

Dooma, to Skarra : You lost a lot of blood and passed out. Do you remember anything?

Skarra : Only riding on top of the dragon to the hospital. It's all a bit fuzzy.

Auto : There wasn’t a dragon. I brought you here.

Skarra : But I heard a screaming and roaring.

Auto : That was Dingaan.

Dingaan : I was WORRIED!


	156. Chapter 156

**Chapter 156**

* * *

El Matador : That’s it. I’m going to physically fight the next person who insults my bestfriend.

Shakes : You don’t have to, I’m not that great.

El Matador :

El Matador : Alright, square up you beautiful bastard.


	157. Chapter 157

**Chapter 157**

* * *

Skarra : Sorry I'm late, I was doing stuff.

Shakes : (noticeably disheveled as he rush in the room) HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FREAKING STAIRS!!


	158. Chapter 158

**Chapter 158**

* * *

Shakes : (noticeably disheveled as they enter the room)

Shakes : Sorry I'm late. I was doing stuff.

Skarra : (also disheveled and grinning smugly)

Skarra : I'm stuff.

**\- 10 minutes before -**

Skarra, pinning Shakes down : Say it, motherfucker!

Shakes, flipping their position and twisting Skarra's arm : No! Just give up and say it you prick!

Skarra : OW OW OW OKAY OKAY! I GIVE! _I GIVE !_


	159. Chapter 159

**Chapter 159**

* * *

Skarra : Shakes.

Shakes : Skarra. What's up?

Skarra : What's up with _you_? I challenge you to play with me at the training field today.

Shakes : Okay, I'll do your stupid challenge.

(Skarra and Shakes intensely staring at each other, making everyone else uncomfortable)

Dooma : What the hell?

(Skarra and Shakes, still intensely staring at each other)

Rasta : Okay they have to knock that off.

Auto : Loosen up, Dooma.

Cool Joe: It's summer love, baby.

Dooma : It's fucking April. Shut up!


	160. Chapter 160

**Chapter 160**

* * *

Klaus and El Matador : To associate with our brother, you must complete these qualification forms.

*Many hours later*

Skarra : What did you put for question 319?

Riano : Lure the tiger away from Shakes by imitating a chicken strip.


	161. Chapter 161

**Chapter 161**

* * *

(After a girl left Blok and broke his heart )

North : ( To Blok ) You will love again, because time will heal a broken heart.

North : ( Picks up a huge rock with the violent intention of throwing it, alarming Blok )

North : But not that bitch's window!


	162. Chapter 162

**Chapter 162**

* * *

Dooma : ( Smirking at the sight of Skarra arguing with Shakes )

( Shakes walks away from Skarra and then Skarra sees Dooma )

Skarra : ( Glares ) Shut it Dooma!

Dooma : I didn't say anything.

Skarra : No, but you have that look.

Dooma : Mmmm? And what look is that?

Skarra : That "I'm Dooma and I think I know everything" look.

Dooma : Do I?

Skarra : ( Glaring intensifies )

Dooma : ( Smirking intensifies )


	163. Chapter 163

**Chapter 163**

* * *

John Johnson : One time, I ate about 150 jalapenos in under 2 minutes.

John : Everyone in the team was so impressed except Toni.


	164. Chapter 164

**Chapter 164**

* * *

(Coach and Vince are trying to break up a quarrel between Shakes and Skarra)

Coach : Will there be a time that we don't have to send you two to opposite corners of the room?

(Shakes and Skarra share a look)

Skarra : When hell freezes over.

Shakes : And the people down there finally get that glass of ice water they've been waiting on.

Skarra : (Laughs) I like that one!

Shakes : I know right! I came up with that one just now!

Skarra : Ooooh, pretty and quick witted.

Shakes : What can I say, King of Prickness? I'm a total package.

(Vince and Coach facepalms)


	165. Chapter 165

**Chapter 165**

* * *

Skarra, complaining : My hands are cold.

Shakes, nice boi : (Holds his hands) There you go.

Skarra: ...

Skarra : You know, for some reason, my lips are getting cold too.


	166. Chapter 166

**Chapter 166**

* * *

Miko : Your crude language only highlights how inarticulate you are.

Skarra : Yeah? Well, you're a hubristic, intransigent, supercilious, insufferable piece of fucking shit!


	167. Chapter 167

**Chapter 167**

* * *

John : Chuck, look, I made a spoon hat!

Toni : Well, that explains why I'm having to eat my soup with a fork.


	168. Chapter 168

**Chapter 168**

* * *

Dooma : And worst of all, I had Skarra greet him.

Vince : What did you have him do?

Dooma : Be himself.

Vince : Poor son of a bitch.


	169. Chapter 169

**Chapter 169**

* * *

Skarra : Due to personal reasons, I will be sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.

Dooma : Shakes said “I love you” and you said “thanks”, didn’t you?

Skarra : The reasons are _personal!_


	170. Chapter 170

**Chapter 170**

* * *

Klaus: You wanna know a secret?

Klaus: I have no idea what I’m doing.

El Matador : That’s not a secret.


	171. Chapter 171

**Chapter 171**

* * *

Shakes : ( Blushing to Skarra ) Would you like to stay for dinner?

Spenza: ( Yelling from inside the house ) Would you like to stay forever?


	172. Chapter 172

**Chapter 172**

* * *

Colonel von Pushup : You said you had nothing to do with the sudden escape of Shakes from his cage. Are you lying to me ?

Ja Nein : That depends on how you define lying.

Colonel von Pushup : Well, I define it as not telling the truth. How do you define it ?

Ja Nein : Reclining your body in a horizontal position.

Colonel von Pushup : ....

Ja Nein : ....

Colonel von Pushup : Get out.

Ja Nein : Absolutely.


	173. Chapter 173

**Chapter 173**

* * *

Shakes, obviously reluctant : We need your help.

Skarra : Great, who are we killing?

Skarra : I won't do kids. That's a rule.

Skarra : But that rule is negotiable if the kid's a dick.


	174. Chapter 174

**Chapter 174**

* * *

Skarra : In less than an hour, an aircraft from here will be joining others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind.

Dooma : WHAT?

Skarra : Mankind, that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

Dooma : What the hell is he talking about?

Auto : He does this every year.

Dooma : Seriously?

Dingaan : Yeah.

Skarra : We're fighting for our right to live!

Dooma : Wait, is this -

Dingaan : Yeah. It's the speech from Independence Day.

Auto : Mmmhmmm

Skarra : But as the day the world declared in one voice -

Dingaan : It kinda left an impression on him.

Skarra : WE WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO THE NIGHT!!!

Dooma : He doesn't know any other speeches?

Auto : Yeah, I don't think he cares.

Skarra: TODAY WE CELEBRATE OUR INDEPENDENCE DAY !!!!


	175. Chapter 175

**Chapter 175**

* * *

Riano : I think I can take him?

Shakes : You’re fighting Skarra? Just stay on your toes, he likes to head butt. It’ll be tough but I believe in you.

Riano : No. I’m fighting Uber.

Shakes : ....

Shakes : Can I have your stuff when you die?


	176. Chapter 176

**Chapter 176**

* * *

Skarra : My niece's drama class had a project and they invited me to play Gordon Ramsay but we could only film at school so we had to find a closed off room and the room wasn't exactly soundproof.

Skarra : Long story short, the vice principal and four teachers walked in on me wearing a chef's hat and yelling at a 14 years old girl because her squid was so raw i could still hear it telling Spongebob to fuck off.

Dooma : Did you get an A?


	177. Chapter 177

**Chapter 177**

* * *

Klaus : So you remember the plan if I ever go down, right?

Shakes : Yeah.

Klaus : Tell me.

Shakes : If you're being attacked, as you go down I am to sing MMMMM WHATCHA SAY no matter the circumstances.

Klaus : Good. I'll do the same thing for you, obviously.


	178. Chapter 178

**Chapter 178**

* * *

El Matador, dropping into North's arms dramatically : HOLD ME

North : I am.

El Matador : Hold me like you MEAN it!

North : *drops him*


	179. Chapter 179

**Chapter 179**

* * *

John Johnson, trying to entertain the league players : What do you call a duck with fangs?

Skarra, screaming excitedly : A FUCK

John, desperately trying not to laugh : *turns to others* What _do_ you call a duck with fangs?

Liquido and Uber, fully supporting Skarra : A fuck.

Chuck :

Miko :

Supa Strikas :

Orion :

Barka :

Everyone else :

Vladimir : *sighs* Count Quackula


	180. Chapter 180

**Chapter 180**

* * *

**Captainship 1**

Shakes : I'm thirsty.  
Rasta : Oh, here have some water.

**Captainship 2**

  
Skarra : I'm thirsty.  
Dooma : Yeah for Shakes. We know.


	181. Chapter 181

**Chapter 181**

* * *

Shakes : Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Miko : Okay, but what is updog?

Riano : Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Meda : Not, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

Skarra : No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Chuck : Surely, that’s Uppsala, where’s updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Shakes : That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Meda : You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Riano : No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Miko : What’s a henway??

Shakes : Oh, about five pounds.


	182. Chapter 182

**Chapter 182**

* * *

Shakes : Dumbest scar stories, go!

Miko : I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Riano : I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Meda : I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Skarra : I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Chuck :  
Chuck : I have emotional scars.


	183. Chapter 183

**Chapter 183**

* * *

Shakes : Croissants: dropped

Chuck : Road: works ahead

Riano : BBQ sauce: on my titties

Meda : Shavacado: fre

Skarra : Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Liquido : This bitch: empty

Miko, grumpy : I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.


	184. Chapter 184

**Chapter 184**

* * *

Shakes : Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Liquido : This knife is actually a magic wand.

Meda : Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Skarra : *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Miko : What the fuck is wrong with you people.


	185. Chapter 185

**Chapter 185**

* * *

Shakes: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Riano : Rude.

Liquido : That’s fair.

Uber : Not again.

Skarra : Are you going to want this back?


	186. Chapter 186

**Chapter 186**

* * *

Shakes : Hey, what's your blood type?

Klaus : How should I know?

Shakes : You don't know?

Klaus : Who am i? Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood types?

Shakes :

Shakes : You know who discovered blood types but not your own?


	187. Chapter 187

**Chapter 187**

* * *

Dingaan, attempting to reassure Skarra : You’ll be fine, just be yourself!

Skarra, a certified Asshole and knows it : Be myself? Dingaan, I have one day to win over Shakes’ teammates. How long did it take before you idiots started liking me?

Auto : Couple of weeks.

Snake : Six months.

Web : Jury’s still out.

Skarra : See? ‘Be yourself’, what kind of lousy advice is that?


	188. Chapter 188

**Chapter 188**

* * *

Klaus : [taps table]

Shakes : [taps back]

El Matador : [taps table in response]

Their teammates, all wanting to strangle their respective friends : sTOP IT!

El Matador : Stop what?

Rasta : You three are planning to sneak out on us in MORSE CODE AGAIN, RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!

Klaus : Yes, of _course_ that's what we did. We learned a code that hasn't been used in years so we could all plan in front of your faces without you being able to do anything about it.

Shakes, later, to Spenza : That's _exactly_ what we did.


	189. Chapter 189

**Chapter 189**

* * *

John J. : I am decayed. My lungs are full of thorns and mildew. My bones are held together by vines. I am fragile. Be gentle with my corpse.

Vladimir, exasperated, wishing his boyfriend hadn’t copied the drama trait from him : Get out of bed you’re going to training whether you like it or not.

John : I _refuse_


	190. Chapter 190

**Chapter 190**

* * *

Uber, shirtless in the very cold, very snowy mountains because ‘he's not a pipsquek’ : Hah! Look, I’m fine! Even Ja Nein says so! He says I’m phenomenal.

Thor and Von Eye, in unison : No, he said you have pneumonia.


	191. Chapter 191

**Chapter 191**

* * *

Chuck : Do you think different scented laundry detergents have different tastes?

John : They do.

Chuck : Why did you said that so quickly and with much certainty?


	192. Chapter 192

**Chapter 192**

* * *

Vince : Were any of you paying attention?

Dooma : I zoned out like half an hour ago.

Dingaan : I got distracted half way through.

Skarra : Not listening was a conscious desicion.


	193. Chapter 193

**Chapter 193**

* * *

Klaus : Truth or dare, Shakes?

Shakes : Uhhh, truth.

Klaus : Do you have a crush on Skarra?

Shakes : ..Dare.

Klaus : I dare you to answer the truth question.

Shakes : I'm done with this game.


	194. Chapter 194

**Chapter 194**

* * *

"I fucked my way into this mess, and I'll fuck my way out of it."

~Skarra, probably


	195. Chapter 195

**Chapter 195**

* * *

Dooma : *sips tea* It's nice talking to someone with common sense for once.

Rasta : * sips tea* Indeed.

**~ In the background ~**

Skarra : I'm going to kill you three.

Klaus : We didn't mean to accidently hurt your dogs.

El Matador : Yeah, it was a complete accident. But they did kinda deserve it for trying to eat Klaus.

Shakes : We are dead.


	196. Chapter 196

**Chapter 196**

* * *

Vince : Can someone pass the salt?

Dooma : (Throws Skarra across the table)


	197. Chapter 197

**Chapter 197**

* * *

Shakes : Skarra sometimes talks in his sleep, it’s adorable.

Skarra, while asleep : Fight me… motherfucker… square up… I think the fuck not…


	198. Chapter 198

**Chapter 198**

* * *

John : Things have actually been going really well with Vladimir. Our relationship is in a really good place.

John : Last week I said, “Did you know the weiner dog is neither a weiner nor a dog?”. Instead of saying, “Shut up, John.” he said, “Okay.”


	199. Chapter 199

**Chapter 199**

* * *

John : *Runs to Vladimir for a hug*

Vladimir : *Steps aside*

John : Vlad! Why did you move?

Vladimir : I thought you were going to attack me.

John : I was going to hug you!

Vladimir : Why would you hug me?

John : WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU? 


	200. Chapter 200

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE🎉🎉🎉

**Chapter 200**

* * *

Benedict : We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what John will and will not eat.

Thaddeus : Grass? Yes!

Benedict : Shampoo? Yes!!

Thaddeus : Jalapenos? Ohh, yes!

Benedict : Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Thaddeus : Glowsticks? Sometimes!

Benedict : Rocks? Usually nah.

Thaddeus : Laundry detergents? Usually!

Benedict : Chuck's cooking? Inconclusive!

Kowalski : How did you… test this?

Thaddeus : You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

Kowalski : ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Chuck : IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

  
  



	201. Chapter 201

**Chapter 201**

* * *

Liquido, setting down a card : Ace of spades.

Skarra, pulling out an Uno card : +4.

Meda, pulling out a Pokémon card : Jolteon, I choose you.

Chuck, trembling : What are we playing?


	202. Chapter 202

**Chapter 202**

* * *

El Matador : Looking left cause you don’t treat me right.

Cool Joe : Looking right because you left.

Rasta : Looking up cause you let me down.

North : Looking down cause you fucked up.

Shakes, who was about to press the button : What is wrong with you guys?


	203. Chapter 203

**Chapter 203**

* * *

Kidnapper, talking to Coach and the rest of SS : We have one of your best players. Give us hundred thousand dollars and he will be returned to you unharmed.

El Matador : Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth hundred thousand dollars?

Kidnapper :

El Matador : MAKE IT ONE MILLION–

SS : El Matador STOP


	204. Chapter 204

**Chapter 204**

* * *

Vladimir : John... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

John : Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Vladimir :  
Vladimir : I wrote sanitize, John.


	205. Chapter 205

**Chapter 205**

* * *

Vladimir : I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.


	206. Chapter 206

**Chapter 206**

* * *

Dingaan : Skarra and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us.

Dooma : *Sighing* What did Skarra do?

Dingaan : He chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Skarra : Who wants a steering wheel?


	207. Chapter 207

**Chapter 207**

* * *

Chuck : John was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

John : Well, they shouldn’t say “all you can eat” if they don’t mean it.

Chuck : John, you ate a chair.


	208. Chapter 208

**Chapter 208**

* * *

Shakes : God, give me patience.

Skarra : I think you mean 'give me strength'.

Shakes : If God gave me strength, you'd be dead.


	209. Chapter 209

**Chapter 209**

* * *

Liquido : North sneezed earlier and I accidently said 'shut the fuck up' instead of 'bless you'.

Shane : How do you accidently say 'shut the fuck up'?


	210. Chapter 210

**Chapter 210**

* * *

Shakes : Where are you going?

Skarra : To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there.


	211. Chapter 211

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever thought what would happen if Skarra and Shakes took on their rivalry in the video games too? Or playing multiplayer games together? Well I have.

**Chapter 211**

* * *

Shakes : Skarra? Skarra don't leave! SKARRAAAA, I love you!

Skarra : No, I'm fucking done. I'm fucking done!

Shakes : No you're not!

Skarra : This is bullshit! This is fucking bullshit!

Shakes, laughing : I can't get out.

Skarra : WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS MY LIFE?

Shakes : I'm stuck!

Skarra : I can't do it Shakes!

Shakes : I can't either!

Skarra : I can't fucking do it anymore!

Shakes : Well I'll tell ya what Skarra, you can give up now, or you can dig it out, because I certainly can't do it without you, and I know you can't do it without me!

Skarra : *deep breath* I appreciate it.

Skarra : BUT LOOK WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH MAN!

Shakes : SKARRA

Skarra : YOU'VE GOTTA DRAW THE LINE SOMEWHERE, YOU'VE GOTTA DRAW A FUCKING LINE IN THE SAND, DUDE!

Shakes : SKARRA

Skarra : YOU GOTTA MAKE A STATEMENT! YOU GOTTA LOOK INSIDE YOURSELF AND SAY, " WHAT AM I WILLING TO PUT UP WITH TODAY? _NOT FUCKIN' THIS!"_

This is the original video. I suggest you to watch it because I could never do justice to the audio.

_**<https://youtu.be/4xrS5NEBKjU> ** _


	212. Chapter 212

**Chapter 212**

* * *

Skarra : (Drunk) You know I feel really inspired right now.

Dooma : Skarra, I know what you are thinking but don't -

Coach : Too late, he's already stopped the music and now he's fumbling to get on stage.

Vince : (Feeling faint) Oh no.

Skarra : (On stage) I just want to proclaim that I am in love with that (points at Shakes) dark haired, nerdy, adorable, football loving idiot right there!

Shakes : (Blushing)

Skarra : And I want to know, Shakes, if you would want to be my boyfriend?

Supa Strikas : ....

Invincible United : ....

Vince and Coach : ....

Klaus : How exactly drunk is he?

Dingaan : (Shrugs)

Shakes : Skarra, I would say yes but we're already engaged and this is our engagement feast.

Skarra : Oh - (Starts crying happily) - well, that's wonderful!


	213. Chapter 213

**Chapter 213**

* * *

North : Guys, I was hungry and accidentally ate Klaus' strudels, how long do you think I have to live?

Shakes and El Matador : Ten.

North : Ten what?

Shakes and El Matador : Nine. Eight. Seven.


	214. Chapter 214

**Chapter 214**

* * *

Shakes : Let's do this quickly.

Skarra : Shakes, I'm not just some faucet you can just turn on and off.

Skarra : You gotta _romance_ me.

Shakes : (Takes off his shirt)

Skarra : Faucet's on. Let's have sex.


	215. Chapter 215

**Chapter 215**

* * *

Random person : Why do you hang around those idiots?

Chuck : To be honest, I have no idea -

John : (Interrupts) Well, for one he is our best friend.

Kowalski : For two, he keeps us from accidentally killing ourselves by doing something stupid.


	216. Chapter 216

**Chapter 216**

* * *

Dingaan : Fitness tip; never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Skarra : Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Snake : There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-


	217. Chapter 217

**Chapter 217**

* * *

Thaddeus : Oooh, John's wheels are turning. Your brain baby is crowning.

Chuck : Thaddeus, please, that's disgusting.

John : No, it's helping, I am having a brain baby.

Chuck : Then push, man, push!

Thaddeus : Breathe.

Chuck : You can do this, you are so strong.


	218. Chapter 218

**Chapter 218**

* * *

(Shakes, disobeying Coach's orders for the first time. )

Shakes : ( In excitement ) I can't believe I did this !!!

Shakes : ...I can't believe I did this.

Shakes : I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THIS !!!

Shakes : ( Worried ) Coach would be so furious. Well, that's okay! I mean, what he doesn't know won't kill him right ?

Shakes : ( Rocking around on the floor ) Oh my gosh! .....This would kill him! I am a horrible son. I am going back.

Shakes : ( Cartwheeling ) I AM NEVER GOING BACK!

Shakes : ( Face down on the bed ) I am a despicable human being.

Shakes : ( Jumping up and down the bed happily ) WOOOOO - HOOOOO!! BEST. DAY. EVER!


	219. Chapter 219

**Chapter 219**

* * *

Skarra : Go big or go home.

Dooma : Please go home, Skarra. For once in your life, I am begging you, go home.

Skarra, whispering : I’m going big.


	220. Chapter 220

**Chapter 220**

* * *

Liquido : Let's say the tables were turned. If I were about to walk off a cliff, what would you do?

North : Push.

Liquido : I don't believe that.

North : You would on the way down.


	221. Chapter 221

**Chapter 221**

* * *

**Vince** : I just ended a 10+ years old relationship.

 **Coach** : Oh... I'm sorry ...Are you.. okay?

 **Vince** : Hm? Oh yeah, I'm fine. It wasn't my relationship.

(Skarra and Shakes fighting in the background)


	222. Chapter 222

**Chapter 222**

* * *

**John** : Vlad, I'm sad.

 **Vladimir** : (holds out arms for a hug) It's going to be okay.

_________________________________________________

**Liquido** : North, I'm sad.

 **North, nodding** : Mood.


	223. Chapter 223

**Chapter 223**

* * *

**Chuck** : What did you guys get in your yearbook?

 **Riano** : 'Prettiest Smile'

 **Miko** : 'Nicest Personality'

 **Liquido** : 'Biggest Gossip'

 **Meda** : 'Most Artistic'

 **Uber** : 'Most likely to wear flip flops in the snow'

 **Skarra** : 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

 **Shakes** : 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'


	224. Chapter 224

**Chapter 224**

* * *

**Shakes** : Sleepover Pun Battle, GO!

 **Shakes** : Shout _out_ to people wandering what the opposite of _in_ is.

 **Liquido** : Oooh, I _sea_ what you did there.

 **Uber** : Umm... _Icy_ what you did there too?

 **Riano** : Guys, I don't know about you but I suspect a _fowl_ play here.

 **Skarra** : You can try to make me angry with bird puns but _toucan_ play this game.

 **Meda** : You think you can best me then _comet_ me bro.

 **Chuck** : I think you all should shut up before I start a _homiecide._

 **Miko** : ....You guys make _miso_ angry.


End file.
